Lori’s Story

Today, I have a good life.

Today, I feel safe.

Today, I feel peace. 

For decades, those words were an empty, haunting dream.

My purpose

Because of my journey, I want to be there to help other people find hope for the longings of their life. It’s hard work to get through the experiences of our past, but it’s do-able and it’s worth the work.

The difficult things

I never felt good enough. I never fit in. 

I have struggled with this core issue for most of my life. At age 12, I began to fill that ‘longing to belong’ through drugs, drinking and being promiscuous. And for the most part, it worked, I felt like I fit in. 

Almost.

I almost fit in. But not quite. I kept trying. I yielded my integrity and my dignity in my desperation to be validated, to belong, to feel safe and valued. I attempted suicide many times. Depression was my constant best friend. I drank and used year after year after year.

What makes me sad

I have mental illness as well, and experienced mental health challenges. So, with that comes a lots of ups and downs.  

Maybe life as a child started differently, but things happened to me as I grew up that interfered with my capacity to be authentic and it cost me years and years of struggle, including mental health challenges that made me feel like I am drowning in darkness.

What I long for:

I have now become what I have longed for, a survivor.

A survivor is often used as a term to describe people who've been through abuse. I have overcome it and I am living a good life now. A survivor is someone who doesn't give up, who keeps going no matter what happened to them.

“I am a survivor.”

 The journey is often two steps forward, one step back, three steps forward, two steps back. It's not linear. It is up and down. It is forward and back. That’s normal. That's part of the healing process. 

I've had a lot of support over the years professionally and personally. I couldn’t have made it to today without the support and love from people around me: friends and people in the 12 step groups sponsors, friends, peer mentors and also from God.  There is HOPE.

My message to my community

When you are trying to fit in, get support. Reach out to other people that can help you because they believe you are worthy. Come to HOPE Outreach events. Talk to people who have found peace. Hang out with them.  

I’m so happy that I can finally believe that I'm worth it. 

I want to tell you that ‘you are worth it’. 

We all need help in this lifetime. We were not meant to do it alone. So, ask for help. It's a hard thing to do. But we all need each other.

So this is part of my story and how I’ve overcome. I still struggle with mental health, but it's getting better over the years. 

I'm almost 15 years clean and sober today.  

There is hope!